And I throw myself into the world
And dissolve
in the horizon
Unlike the calm ego death
Of monks and scholars,
It is a disturbance
An unravelling
The Terror
Where the World
Is knocked off its axis
And turns upside down
The return
and
The becoming millions
And I fall
and I fall
No grounding, no roots
And the earth swallows me
Whole
Unwhole
Unable to articulate
A fear way beyond falling
that is the end of
Accumulation
And this fear
shored up
the limits and borders
Of me.
I
had always assumed
I’d be there
or have some part
And now
the world,
Part nature, part machine
Living and fighting itself to the death
All at once,
Grinds me up
And I was the dust
That built up
Once more.
She returns
And becomes millions.
(First written for Escapril 2021)
